And here I go again Dec 2015

Tomorrow when I wake up, there are no more excuses.  Sure, I may not be perfect every day, but I will pull myself back up and do better the next day.   I am doing this for me now.  I want to make changes in my life beginning with my relationships...especially with God.    I have not been a good Catholic and thus haven't set a good example for my kids.  I need to make things right with Him before anything.  Once I do that, the rest will fall into place.  Goodnight and God Bless.🙏

Seriously?

I have read over my old posts.....seems like I gave jumped from one bandwagon to another.  The juicer really was a stupid idea!  Seriously?   Who can do that???  Oh, and the magic pink drink!  Righhhht.  

I have actually lost weight.   I weighed yesterday morning and was at 279.9.   Not great but better than 303!   I've been watching what I eat.  Keegan walking but something popped in my left leg and it hurts so bad that I can hardly put any pressure on it.   I went with Vanessa to Salina yesterday. Could hardly walk but I tried to push through it.   I hate letting the kids down.  When I got home I think I cried all the way from my car to the house it hurt so bad!   Today I have my leg propped and am praying I can walk tomorrow for school.  I refuse to be a fat, disabled person.   I fear the damage is already done though. I am praying for 20 more pounds by the trip in December.  That would put me at 260.  250 would be better though!   There is no magic pill......just hard work.  I got this.

Summer Break 2015

I just realized I can have a decent breakfast and not go over my calories for the day!  I have been eating instant oatmeal about every morning and was getting totally sick of it.   Well today I get 2 pieces of French toast and 1/2 cup of strawberries instead!!!  224 calories.   Not too shabby!and it only took1/2 of the summer for me to figure out! Haha oops! 😋

This picture was taken dec 7, 2013... I haven't made much progress from there but I plan to.   Once a month, I will take this exact picture..... Hopefully I will see loss after loss!!!  I cannot believe I ever weighed over 300 lbs and this wasn't even my highest!  My highest was 315!!!  I need to do this for my health.   I can do this!

Not much planned for the day, I may try to get some mowing done.   We shall see!   

Today my quote is:

6-13-2015

First day back writing food down and journaling.  I teach class this morning so that will throw me off a little foodwise, but I will get my water in!   I'll come home for lunch...take a quick shower and get back to Hays for my dental checkup at 4.     I think for lunch I will have a piece of fish or chicken and some veggies... not quite sure which one sounds best to me yet.   I tried to weigh myself this morning and of course, my scale won't weigh me.  It's a new scale and yet 99.9% of the time, it won't weigh me!?   I'll give it one more try before I leave for school though.   I better go get ready or I'll be walking for miles to get to class.  ;/  
Day one... off to a great start!

My last hurrah.

Today marks my last try.   If I fail... I will die.   I already feel my body giving up on me.  I don't have anyone here at home to turn to so I turned to my old friends at 3 fat chicks.... Here is what I wrote to them:

Ok ladies. Many of you have known me for about 10 years and in those 10 years.... I remained fat. No, not fat.... obese. I just keep telling myself... oh, I'll start tomorrow. Or, I'll do better tomorrow and then I never do. The best I ever did was when I first joined 3fc and joined WW. I lost 30 lbs...then my dad passed away and I stopped trying again. oh, since then I have yo-yoed and tried every get skinny quick trick out there. Guess what? There is no trick. Recently, I lost my sister. She was only 62. Beautiful, full of life and very worried about me...and yet she is the one who passed away. You see? I now understand that I am skimming by by the skin of my teeth before I am so unhealthy that I will die. I'm already to the point that I don't like to go anywhere because my knees hurt too bad. I know I have no cartlidge in my knees from my dr...but i also know that being so fat isn't helping either. The loss of my sister has really put me in depression and of course, I turned to food. My best friend, Stacey, has joined WW and wants me to join as well. Only bad thing is that we live 2 hours away from each other. Last summer, my daughter Vanessa got me excited about Chris Powell and his food plan...and I did start to lose weight. about 2 lbs a week which is healthy and good. but i stopped....again. and seriously, I haven't tried very hard since then. So today, I took a good long look at myself as I was out to lunch with my daughters.... my beautiful daughters and my 4 wonderful grandchildren and it finally hit me... lucy...you are obese! Soon your grandkids will be embarrassed to be seen with you at their school. You already put your own children through the embarrassment... it's time to stop this shit. so....tonight I am pouring out my soul to you and re-creating my fitness pal account and i WILL start writing everything that goes into my mouth down. I will slowly begin to walk and exercise. I need your support. I know I've let all of you down in the past by just giving up, but I am begging you to be my support system one last time. Please help me.
Lucy

I fear without their support, that I will fail.  and I cannot afford to fail this time.  This time I am doing it for my life.   Even though I am alone 95% of my day.... I am worth being alive.   I am a good person, a good mom, a great Nana, and a good friend... I DESERVE a 2nd chance at life.   It's not over yet.... I am only 52.  It's time I start living for me.  It's time I take a step to actually LIVE instead of just existing.   I can do this.... I promise you mom, dad and Katy.   I will do this!